MisplacedNews ? Understanding the importance of fatherhood ...

Why are we still talking about Gay Marriage?

by Stuart Spivey (diary entry)

All the latest news has been focused on the wrong issues. For weeks, I have watched from the sidelines this debate at the Supreme Court and wondered; why are we talking about Gay Marriage? I?m baffled as to why it has taken up so much public discourse. Lets just call it what it is, Civil Unions, and give the homosexuals all the legal benefits that married couples have and be done with it. I caution to be careful what you ask for and welcome to divorce court on account of the statistics involving marriage do not reflect a high success in our modern moral-less society.

What is marriage anyway?
A legally and socially sanctioned union between a man and a woman that is regulated by laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any).

Why is this necessary?
Men are not biologically attuned to being committed fathers. Left culturally unregulated, men?s sexual behavior can be promiscuous, their paternity casual, and their commitment to families weak. In recognition of this, cultures have used sanctions to bind men to their children, and of course the institution of marriage has been culture?s chief vehicle.

I would like to argue that the elephant in the room no one is discussing is the civil breakdown resulting from men doing what is biologically natural ? leaving their offspring to fend for themselves while pursuing their own natural desires.

If we are to progress towards a more just and humane society, we must reverse the tide that is pulling fathers apart from their families. Nothing is more important for our children or for our future as a society.

Our experience in late-20th-century society shows what happens when such a sanction breaks down. The decline of fatherhood is a major force behind many of the most disturbing problems that plague us.

Children from fatherless homes are:

• 5 times more likely to commit suicide
• 32 times more likely to run away
• 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
• 14 times more likely to commit rape
• 9 times more likely to drop out of high school
• 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances
• 9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution
• 20 times more likely to end up in prison.

Restated in another way:

• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census
• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)
• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.)
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)
• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all Gods Children.)
• 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
• 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)

source Fathermag.com

Here is a break down of the percentage of fatherless homes in America based on race at the end of last year, 2012.

Not surprisingly, The stats for the above listed problems associated with fatherless homes coincide with the statistics below of single family homes broke down according to race.

• Caucasion 25%
• Black or African American 72%
• American Indian 53%
• Asian and Pacific Islander 17%
• Hispanic or Latino 42%

Lets Examine some of the contributing factors that fathers play in the home.

• The way fathers play has effects on everything from the management of emotions to intelligence and academic achievement.
• the most important childhood factor in developing empathy ,a character trait which is essential to an ordered society of law-abiding, co-operative, and compassionate adults, was paternal involvement.
• Fathers tend to stress competition, challenge, initiative, risk taking and independence.
• Boys who roughhouse with their fathers quickly learn that biting, kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable; They learn when to ?shut it down.?
• Fatherless boys are notoriously prone to trouble.
• Young girls learn to appreciate their own femininity from the one male who is most special in their lives.
• Girls learn from their fathers about heterosexual trust and intimacy.
• Most important, through loving and being loved by their fathers, young girls learn that they are love-worthy.

• Alternatively to having a father in the home contributing with positive attributes and protection, the absence of a father in the home can lead to unnecessary hazards for children and mothers.
• The absence of fathers attribute to less supervision and protection from other men mothers bring home.
• Sadly, without fathers in the home, children can become emotionally deprived, leaving them vulnerable to sexual abusers.
• Having the wrong men in young children?s lives can be disastrous.

source Life Without Father

With less fathers in the home, where do you suppose children are learning the necessary requirements for adjustment into adults and society. Could it be from television, the media, or the streets? If those options are going to be the ?new normal? for the paternal role models, we can expect the moral condition of our society to digress even lower.

Allow me to elaborate. How many of you remember what quality TV programming was like in the 70?s ? I grew up watching Gunsmoke, The Andy Griffith Show, Leave it to Beaver, Ozzie and Harriot, and other similar programs that were always centered around a moral message that emphasized a positive or a negative behavior. Shows had some sort of moral decency message to get across and we?d get a little insight on how to be a decent human being. Unfortunately, times have changed and so have the shows.?Here we are, roughly 30 years later and our television shows have regressed to gutter level entertainment such as?Honey Boo Boo and Jersey Shore. ?Honestly, I have had to ban half the shows my young daughter wants to watch on account of the sexual content and family dysfunction. Every show presented by the Disney Channel either has no parents present or the rolls are reversed with the parents portrayed as the idiots while the young girls are being portrayed as the wise grown-ups.

If you?re still reading this article, then you understand that in?order to undo the cultural shift of the last few decades towards a?moral-less?society?we must?reinstate fathers into the lives of their children??and marriage must be re-established as a strong social institution.

Here a few suggestions that might help assist with this challenge.

Employers could be?incentivized?to provide generous parental leave and experiment with more flexible work hours.

Religious leaders can reclaim moral ground from the culture of divorce and non-marriage by resisting the temptation to equate ?committed relationships? with marriage.

Marriage counselors can begin with a bias in favor of marriage, stressing the needs of the family at least as much as the needs of the client.

As for the entertainment industry, we could apply more pressure to curtail the glamorization of unwed motherhood, marital infidelity and sexual promiscuity.

We could consider a two-tier system of divorce law:

Marriages without minor children would be relatively easy to dissolve, but marriages with children would be subject to stricter guidelines.

We could require Longer waiting periods for divorcing couples with children might be called for, combined with mandatory marriage counseling.

Another suggestion might be to create higher child support payment to discourage divorce and?abandonment.

We could give larger tax breaks for families and possible raise the Earned Income Credit for families with children.

We could encourage mentoring programs to assist with fatherless children.

?

Thankfully, not all children that grow up in fatherless homes become undesirable elements of society, but none escape unaffected.

President Obama who knows first-hand the pain of paternal abandonment. He wrote a gripping Father?s Day essay that was published in Parade Magazine, 2009, stating that his primary goal in life was to be a good dad.

?In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence ? both in my life and in the lives of others,? and ?I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference.?

Source: http://misplacednews.com/understanding-the-importance-of-fatherhood-through-its-absence/

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